Setting the Scene
Inse stood at the doorway of his tiny apartment, watching his five-year-old son, Eli, play with a set of mismatched toy cars. The weight of grief from his father’s passing sat heavily on his chest, compounding the pressure he already felt about being a single parent. He had convinced himself that he needed to be a perfect father, one who never faltered, always provided, and ensured his son had the best opportunities life could offer. But the reality was, he was barely holding things together.
His older sister, Curity, had come over for a visit, sipping her tea on the couch while observing her brother with knowing eyes. She had always been the confident one, the secure one, the one people admired. Today, though, she wasn’t here as the career-driven woman the world respected; she was here as his sister.
“You look exhausted,” she said, setting her mug down. “How was work?”
“Busy. Always busy,” Inse sighed. “And then I come home, and I feel like I’m failing Eli. I should be enrolling him in better activities, making healthier meals, teaching him more… I don’t want him to miss out just because I’m not enough.”
Curity tilted her head. “Not enough according to who?”
Inse swallowed hard. “Everyone. Social media, teachers, other parents… And Dad, he did everything for us, and I don’t know if I’ll ever live up to that.”
The Weight of Perfection
Curity leaned forward, her expression soft. “Inse, you’re doing what so many parents do, chasing an impossible standard of perfection. You think love equals making no mistakes, but parenting isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being present.”
“I know that,” he muttered. “But it’s easier said than done.”
She nodded. “That’s why today, I want you to apply the Third Transformation: Let the Voice of Security be Your Guide.”
Inse frowned. “And what does that mean?”
“It means stop listening to the voice in your head that says you’re failing. Instead, tune into the truth: You are a good father. You’re showing up for Eli, even when it’s hard. He doesn’t need a perfect dad. He needs you.”
Inse exhaled, rubbing his temple. “But what if I make the wrong choices?”
“You will make wrong choices,” Curity said bluntly. “And that’s okay. Being secure doesn’t mean never making mistakes, it means trusting yourself to handle them when they happen.”
A Shift in Perspective
Just then, Eli ran up, clutching one of his toy cars. “Daddy, look! It’s a race car!”
Inse forced a smile. “That’s great, buddy.”
Curity observed the exchange. “Do you think Eli is sitting here judging you because you didn’t buy him the latest educational toys or enroll him in a fancy program?”
Inse looked down at his son, who was now making car noises, completely lost in his own world. “No,” he admitted.
“Exactly,” Curity said. “His voice of insecurity hasn’t been fed yet. He just wants time with his dad. That’s what he’ll remember, not whether you made the perfect Pinterest lunch or got him into the best preschool.”
Something inside Inse shifted. For weeks, he had been drowning in self-doubt, but hearing it put so plainly, it made sense. Maybe being a good parent wasn’t about hitting every mark, but about embracing security in the love he already gave.
The Takeaway
Later that night, as Inse tucked Eli into bed, his son yawned and whispered, “You’re the best, Daddy.”
Inse smiled, heart swelling. Maybe he wasn’t perfect. But maybe, just maybe, that didn’t matter.
Key Lesson: Let the Voice of Security Be Your Guide
- Recognize that striving for perfect parenting is an illusion. Instead, focus on present parenting.
- Shift from self-doubt to self-trust, mistakes are inevitable, but they don’t define your worth.
- Your child doesn’t need a flawless parent. They need you, imperfect, but loving and present.
By applying the Third Transformation, Inse learned that parenting isn’t about eliminating mistakes, it’s about believing in himself even when the voice of insecurity tells him otherwise.
