Setting the Scene
Inse sat at his desk, staring blankly at his laptop screen. His latest project, a branding design for a high-profile client, was due in three days, but his mind wasn’t on work. Instead, it spiraled in circles around a single thought:
Why does every relationship I have seem to fail?
He had recently gone on a few dates with someone he really liked, Michael. The first few outings had been fun, effortless even. But now, as things got more serious, Inse’s anxiety had kicked in full force. Was he texting too much? Or too little? Was he being needy? What if Michael realized he wasn’t enough, not exciting enough, not successful enough, not perfect enough?
The voice of insecurity whispered relentlessly: He’ll see through you. You’ll mess this up, just like before.
A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. Curity walked in, a warm smile on her face. “Hey, little brother. I brought food. You look like you need it.”
Inse let out a breath, grateful for the distraction. “You have no idea.”
The Pressure to Be the Perfect Partner
As they ate, Inse hesitated before finally admitting, “I feel like I’m ruining things with Michael before they even start.”
Curity raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”
“I overthink everything. I feel like I need to say the perfect thing, act the perfect way. I keep picturing all the ways this could go wrong. And then I start wondering if I should just end it before he realizes I’m not what he wants.”
Curity set her fork down and sighed. “Inse, you’re stuck in perfection mode. You think being in a relationship means never making a mistake, never having doubts, and never showing flaws. But that’s impossible.”
Inse frowned. “I just don’t want to mess this up.”
Curity smiled gently. “You’re making the mistake right now by letting the voice of insecurity control you. It’s time to apply the Third Transformation: Let the Voice of Security be Your Guide.”
Embracing Security in Love
Inse leaned back in his chair. “How do I do that?”
“First, recognize that security isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being real. If you try to be some polished, anxiety-free version of yourself, you’ll either exhaust yourself or push him away. The voice of security reminds you that you are enough just as you are.”
“That’s easier for you to say,” Inse muttered. “You’ve always been confident.”
Curity chuckled. “Confidence isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the ability to trust yourself despite it.”
She continued, “Think about it this way: What’s more important, Michael seeing a perfect version of you or him seeing you?”
Inse was silent for a moment. “I guess… me.”
Curity nodded. “Exactly. So the next time your anxiety tells you you’re not enough, counter it with the voice of security: I am worthy of love as I am. When your mind spirals into overthinking, remind yourself: I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
A New Approach to Love
The next day, Inse met Michael for coffee. As they sat across from each other, he felt the familiar anxiety creeping in. His inner voice tried to nitpick everything, his posture, his words, the way he laughed too loud.
But this time, he took a deep breath. He let Curity’s words settle in. Instead of filtering every word, he allowed himself to just be.
And to his surprise, Michael didn’t pull away. He leaned in, smiling warmly, and said, “I really like being around you, Inse. You make me feel comfortable.”
For the first time in a long time, Inse let the voice of security take the lead.
Key Lesson: Let the Voice of Security Be Your Guide
- Love isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being real.
- Instead of overanalyzing every move, trust that who you are is enough.
- When insecurity creeps in, counter it with a positive truth: I am worthy of love as I am.
By embracing the Third Transformation, Inse realized that relationships thrive not on perfection, but on authenticity.
